The Fake Love

As he started enticing her, she reminded herself for the last time…  ‘Please don’t think of him’ 

She had been married to Rajat for 6 months now. Arranged setup as it was, he was a perfect partner she could get. Quite a handsome piece created by lord, he was rich with perfect blend of brainy genes too. She had liked him at the first hour of their meeting itself.  

It had taken only 2 days for them to decide that they would want to spend their life with each other. He had adored her charm and wittiness, while she had fallen for his mannerism.

He started kissing her neck and she started pretending to be aroused. He unbuttoned himself in haste, and she guided him amidst the complexity of her clothes. At the end, she complimented the act and felt sad within. It had become usual of her.

Their marriage had been a simpler affair, the way she had planned always. With total gathering of 50 close family and friends, both were pronounced husband and wife in the picturesque beauty of Udaipur. Their honeymoon was no less than a fairy tale. Meticulously planned by Rajat, she has had joyful 20 days of her life.

She laid in the bed with broken heart, staring blankly at the ceiling. She could hear her own heartbeat, drumming loudly at the onset of something bad. She could imagine the situation she might face, leaving her married life in shatter. She could calculate the risk she had planned to take, where chances of failure were rather high. But she knew, it had to be done – not for him but for her.

She had skipped her cycle post first month of the marriage itself. She was embarrassed to share it with Rajat. She had waited for another month to be sure. Every pregnancy test had confirmed her about her fear. It was not what she had planned for next 3 years of her marriage. Finally she had decided to take medical help to get rid of the problem.

She dressed herself post the shower. Rajat seemed already asleep. He looked innocent and attractive. She kissed his forehead and decided to leave.

Life had made her meet him yet again, her first love at the doctor’s clinic. All this while, she had never missed him. She had been happy without him. But that day, at the table, he had squeezed her hand rather tightly to help her bear the pain. That day, he had spent whole day with her, caressing her tresses with his fingers while she slept. He was still unmarried. And he still cared for her.

She had decided to live with him for next few days, till the time she recovers. She did not want Rajat to know about her abortion.

She had missed the times she had spent with him, while he had cooked her all her favorites. She had missed the touch of him, while he had ensured her timely medicines and proper rest.

5 days with him at his place had made her realized, how much she still loved him.

She took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. She reconfirmed within self, yes- this is what I want to do now.

2 months of perfect marriage seemed useless to her. The charm she once had for Rajat, looked fake now. She started hating him close. She started hating her situation. And she started hating her practicality.

She would sometimes evaluate her decision of leaving her love. She would sometimes criticize her decision of choosing Rajat. And she would sometimes compare the both, to come to a conclusion.

She rang the bell again. The door clicked. He looked perplexed to see her, at the odd hour of the night.

She knew it was the time.

She had spent months telling herself, the reasons for which she had left the love of her life. She had not liked the outlook he had for the life. She often had disliked his head over heel love for her. And she had not imagined him to be a good for husband kind of a guy.

But after multiple failed attempts to control self, she had finally decided otherwise.

“Please don’t think of him, I reminded myself yet again…While I had another night with my husband… Oh The fake love should now not kill me”

Epilogue –He had requested her to go back, to her perfectly smooth married life. But she has insisted on spending night with him. She had forced herself inside, only to find his girl friend. She had been shocked; it was not what she had expected. He had finally told her to leave, in rather rude tone this time.

The success Party

 “Everybody seems overly excited, isn’t it”, he chuckled while writing ferociously in his leather diary.

The plump, fat possibly, in a tight fitted red dress lady was addressing her female fans around.  She often blurted a slight laugh by twisting her lips in some ugly pouts. He knew it never had worked for her.

He glanced across the room. Packed with 60 living creatures, room looked too small for him to find his distraction.

Sporadically, few of her female fans would look each other in admiration. The leader lady, he thought, was still beautiful. Even though little over-sized now, her figure was not ‘out-of-shape’. Her love handles seemed neatly packed inside the tummy tuck she might have worn. Her upper body revealed no extra fat which might have forced her cleavage to show off. She was now a plus size perfection!

He gulped his third pint of Tuborg. A young looking man passed through him to order whiskey on the rocks. He stared at him in dismay. The man gulped the drink in a sip and went towards the couch at the right end of the room, swaying his hips to indicate his drunken state.

He was not sure of his next drink. He drifted away from the bar, the place which might entice him to opt for another Tuborg.

‘Why king is made on the door always?’ he thought aloud to himself while entering the loo- 3 pints and already peeing for the fourth time. DAMN! Exasperated, he tried unzipping to do the business.

The party looked unchanged when he returned. Red lady with fat still attracted other females. The slouched man still lingered around his crowd. And he still stood ‘alone’ beside the bartender.

Someone cleared the mike with a husk ‘HELLO’. Standing in a golden dress with a slit, the Emcee woman looked no less than a celebrity. His heart skipped a beat, he assumed. He listened carefully again.

It was strange. At the age of 37, he was still exploring his options by going to various parties. Being a journalist, he always had been on move till now, travelling to places he had not heard before.

Though, not a single day had gone by, when he had not thought of getting married. After the resignation from his last employer, it had become difficult for him to stay in 2 BHK alone. He would get up; feed self with toast jam and milk, spending most of his nights in parties he would not know. The routine had been unchanged since past 2 years.

The plump lady in red dress had taken the stage. He could hardly hear now, possibly because of his drunken mind or over-excited applauding crowd.

He had decided not to attend any party tonight. After numerous failed attempts to get over with the last night hangover, it was sensible of him to stay indoors. However, the ex-colleague request had made him step out to cover another party for the weekend edition. Trying to fit into his best outfits, he had driven to the venue reminding self to be sober. It was work which he could not mess unlike his personal screwed life.

Though, he soon had lost his mind when he saw that lady in a tight fitted red dress. After the first pint of Tuborg, she had been easy for him to look at. He always knew, the drink would help him in need.

“2 Margarita, please” – a couple distracted his thoughts.

He had dated her for 12 precious years, when finally she had decided to move out. It had been difficult for him. He was 35, with baggage of job responsibilities and no emotional support.

She did not want to get settled at her age, which she believed was too young. 

He had resigned from his loving job to explore. Explore a solution to his remorse. But 2 years had not been enough. His otherwise cleaned house was a mess, his friends no more updated him with their lives and couple hangout was banned from his life.

He had become bankrupt emotionally though on and off freelancing projects had been helping him with his finances.

Tonight had been his confrontation with the past – the past he was still struggling to get over with.

He quickly gulped another pint.

In last 2 years, he had avoided every contact which might end him at her door. Their common friends were no longer his friends, their favorite joints were his hate list and their bedroom was his storeroom. She had been difficult for him to forget.

He was at his 8^th bottle when she finally finished speaking.

She now knew him more than anyone else, yet he had spent the entire day rehearsing to propose her and be his best. That day he had decorated the house with her favorite lilies and roses. The dinner he cooked and the suit he wore seemed perfect for the upcoming celebrations.

Though, her verdict came as a surprise to him. She had already rented a flat elsewhere and the day was her last day with him.

He scribbled the last point in his diary and decided to leave.

Special comment by the host was the least he could ignore in this success party, he thought in anger.

Epilogue: She had worked her ass out to reach the place where she was. She wanted everything- money, fame and passion. Love had never been her priority. He was her best roommate and the person she adored. The bed activities she enjoyed with him were part of her friendship she knew.

That day, his proposal to get married had pissed her off. She always had told him about her plans and her ‘disinterest’ in marriages. She always had told him about her ‘willingness’ to continue like this forever. But his ignorance to all her wishes had forced her to move out of her comfort friend.

She had stayed at her friends place for a week to find a separate accommodation. She switched her job and made new friends. She even deleted his photos she preserved in her hidden files.

She had seen him at the party today. She knew he still stared her with love. She knew she still was important to him. And she knew she still did not want to marry him.

She had seen him kicking his bike, blabbering something in anger. She though stood there, watching him fade into the dark, sipping her last drink for the day in peace.

The Only Home

It was the fourth time that her phone rang. She stared at the screen, it was mother again.

She was only 10 when her parents had decided for her – Emily would go to boarding school for rest of her life. It was hard for her to understand the reasons behind. She had cried whole night, cursing her parents. She had assumed that her parents did not love her anymore.

She stared at the screen again. It was 11:00pm. Parents would not call her now. She switched off the phone and threw it inside the side drawer – among her hair clips, rosemary and candies.

Ms. Johnson had greeted her with open arms that day – ensuring that Emily meets the best of people and love the school. She was offered front seat near the window at class, Ms Johnson arranged for extra candies during break for her and also took her out for stroll during late evenings to watch rabbits behind the school.

She looked herself in the mirror; she was grown up adolescent now. She tried smiling hard, but her face seemed cold without emotion.

It had been 6 years now that Emily had made home away from home.

School did not allow phone calls during weekdays, Saturdays and Sundays were meant to be Emily’s best days in the week. She would get up early, visit church and would wait near the only phone on her floor at the corner of the building. Every weekend, her mother would call her sharp at 10:00am. It had become a ritual for her. After a hearty conversation with mommy dear, Emily would play with her best friend Carrie for an hour and would slurp delicious lunch at Ms Johnson’s house. Evenings were spent painting and completing pending home works. After dinner, Emily would again watch the phone till 9:30pm when her father would call. Everything had been routine.

Among the clumsy pool of 36 beds, she had got the 5^th bed beside the window. After every 2 months, the settings changed, to ensure every girl gets a bed near the window- the only place where the fans looked bit effective.

She changed herself in the pink night dress, which she had brought herself last year from the Christmas money. She admired the settings for the last time and started packing her bags.

In 6 years, not even once had she been called back home. During vacations, her parents would come down to meet her, often carrying unnecessary gifts. Father would send ‘extra money’ after her 3^rd year in the school, giving excuses she never understood. Sometimes, mother would talk about a little girl named Julie whom she disliked for no reasons. Everything was bizarre for her- her family, Julie and her ‘forced family vacations’.

She collected memoirs gifted by her friends on her 15^th birthday, she then swept the ‘tiny wax animals’ on the table top she had brought from the Zoo; she also folded the bed sheets in neat rectangular shapes to fit the only truck she had.

After 3 hours of hard work, everything she had accumulated in 6 years was packed in a truck and 3 bags. She gave the final look to her bed and window with nostalgia and bid adieu.

Last weekend, she had not received any call from her parents but a letter explaining her things she did not know till now. Problems in marital life of her parents had compelled them to send her to boarding. During her 2^nd year away from home, they had applied for a divorce to end daily remorse. Soon after the first summon from court, parents had realize the dreadful end of their love marriage. Mother had cried in father’s arm, recalling the happier times and missing Emily. That is when Julie had happened to them. They had then reconsidered their divorce appeal.

However, after Julie turned one, things got worse yet again. Both had their own reasons to get out of the marriage they had nurtured for 18 years. Mother was fed up of father and his emotionless life and father would complain of her demanding nature.

The letter they had written was a request more than the information. Divorce was at its final stage and before applying for custody, both wanted to know the decision of Emily -whom would she choose to stay with?

Mother had specified categorically that Julie had been the only hope when Emily was not around and she was too small to live without her.

 But nowhere did the letter mention- who wanted Emily to stay with them?

She was called before the jury in the witness box. She could see her mother sitting next to a girl in blue stripped frock, caressing her curls with her fingers and crying occasionally. She also saw her father sitting at the far end of the court, looking drunk, he seemed staring and conversing something to his feet.

Emily handed a letter to the jury and looked at the floor, trying to avoid stares if any. She was now confident of what she wanted.

‘Dear Mom and Dad, I have always seen you together and would love to see you guys like that. I want to imagine this as a nightmare I had because I did not do my daily prayers last night. I want to imagine this as a stupid game you guys play with me when I am angry at you.

Mother, I don’t like the little creature Julie, she is luckier than me to have you around but I don’t want to complain. Father, I don’t like to see you absent minded when you visit me.

I can’t choose one of you. You both are willing to let me go to the other one. I would rather assume my life intact by your divorce and return to my dear Hostel, where I have got a family which still awaits me.

All the best, do see me during vacations like always (if possible)

Emily’

She received message from Ms Johnson – ‘When do I see you?’ and she replied ‘TONIGHT’.

She left the court without a word, her eyes unable to see anything because of the extra water. No one stopped her, and she did not wait.

Once she was out of the court, she dumped her phone and walked slowly towards her only home.

A soulful JUGNI ride

And then I realized, experiments are the best way to learn and have fun!

Being a market researcher, it is very irritating to see people envying you because of your frequent (read weekly) travel. The pain behind these travels are unknown to them, we fly early morning and return the same day under the darkest shade of night. If we are lucky, then we get to stay in lavish hotel rooms just to admire the antiques in the dreams and catch next day air traveler.

Alas! These travels make me feel tired and often, repellent towards the word ‘travel’!

I feel the same most of the times, but other times, I am just normal human being – who dreams to travel leisurely savoring nature and talking to birds (fancy dreams you know)

Last month, after travelling to 5 cities in 15 days around the country, I was bogged up to the core. I wanted to run away, from the world and from my own self. I wanted to have a good break, where I get sleep without being disturbed by untimely phone calls.

With the basics in mind clear, I searched for all ‘high altitude places’ (Because phone networks don’t work there- HURRAY!). But I knew, even though I would settle down for any place, my companions would have their own choices and timelines. I did not want to undergo adjustments – Remember, I was already exasperated.

I decided to enroll for a women only travel group – a chance to explore new people (which I do quite often but because of work) and get ‘away’ with management skills needed to convince friends.

The first ad that day on Facebook while still figuring out my trip ideas was of JUGNI – offering a weekend getaway to PARASHAR LAKE.

This is what Parashar Lake looks like 🙂

Jugni is women only travel group run by two young minds Nitesh and Rohit. Started recently, the Jugnoos (that’s what they call themselves) have brilliant innovative ideas to keep girls engaged and offer them enticing trips.

For me, the idea of having a weekend with new people (and in budget) was a good deal – and a calculated risk also I think.

I had my apprehensions, think excitement of what would it be like travelling with entirely new clan.

We were supposed to meet on Friday night at the bus stop. When I reached, first girl I met made me confident of my decision. She was travelling alone (too), had reasons like me (too) and was ‘nice’ (like me too). I met others also, some first time solo-travellers, others travelling second time with Jugni and rest with friends. In all we were good group of 15 people, from different background! (The trip surely was proving a jackpot)

Next two days were among the best days of my life, and I am sure, for other Jugnis (that’s what we call ourselves now) too.

From sustaining to learning to loving to meeting- the trip had it all. We hopped through rocks to climb to no man’s land, just to realize that map was read all wrong.

The love bites from leeches to unwashed dirty peaches, the trek within the clouds holding hands to the joy of reaching the lake finally (after the labyrinth), from cocooning self in sleeping bags to hearing loud roars of clouds above us, from warming around the bonfire to singing melodiously (I doubt this melodious word here) with other travelers around, we did it all.

The trip proved a gift in disguise, letting me explore myself in better way. It also enabled me to get out of my shell and become confident of travelling and enjoying alone. Even though I had wonderful people around, I did get time to relish my own company.

After 2 days of ‘unexpected’ fun and humor, I was not very sure of ending the trip. We did bid goodbyes to each other, but only to promise to meet soon.

The rajma chawal as the meal to the tasteless omelettes, the Mandi secret to the bus adventure, the Babloo stories to truck ride back home, and the endless clicks to personal gigs- I miss it all.

Some snapshots from the memory lane

Special Thanks to team Jugni, who made this trip memorable with their humour and glamour.

Thanks Rohit for being a help when I was shit tired to carry my bag pack to the top, for being a ‘PAHADO K DEVTA’ to run among mountains like a pro and for being sensible and caring organizer.

Thanks to the handsome boy Nitesh too, who kept us gripped with his endless jokes and scripts, who made sure to do his after sales ‘just right’ and who also ensured we all get our share of fun ‘wherever’.

With more love, looking forward to join you guys again for wonderful travel stories!

P.S: Girls, you can join them on Facebook here

Understood- Like always!

“I ran and ran, ran so fast…but the life I want, and the one I craft… gives me no happiness, as I still starve…Oh the sinful love, oh the sinful need”

He slipped from his bed carefully, trying not to disturb his pretty wife.

Wife looked magical, with just the right amount of moonlight falling on her mane and face.

“It had been 3 days since they had checked in the hotel right next to the river front. His wife had opted for the place to have a romantic stay after 5 years of their wedding. All these years, they both had been crazily working to support themselves and their dreams – own house, car, stature and friends.

Now, their bank balance was as strong as they had ever imagined.”

 

He moved towards the window. He knew that something had waked him up. But he did not know what.

He turned back to see his wife again; tossing her sides, she looked like a baby. How can one be so beautiful and serene? He thought within himself.

“Initial few days of marriage had not been easy. Being an arrange set up, he had been skeptical about his would be partner. His dreams, his priorities and his work, he thought he would need to change them all.

But she was different. She had understood him well, giving him his own space and life. And things had been like always – without change.

He looked through the window – stretched wide, river seemed endless. Moonlight over the surface had made the river look picturesque. He could see trees, aiming high to touch the sky, just like him. He smiled. Possibly, the night had something important for him.

“It was the first time when they had planned a holiday for themselves, post the ‘compulsorily’ honeymoon package. Wife had spent (nearly wasted) a week in getting the perfect look for the outing- shoes, clothes and makeup. She had even placed her first kiss on his cheek, publicly in excitement. 

They both had traveled by road, towards east, away from the usual commercialized 5 star set-ups. A small hotel near the village had attracted his wife’s fancy, facing the mighty Ganges.”

He sat at the corner of the bed, near her feet. It seemed that each part of her body had been meticulously carved out by the lord himself. Feet accessorized with toe-ring and silver anklet looked perfect.

He wanted to keep looking at her, from a distance without disturbing her sleep. Though, part of him desperately wanted to touch the pearl body and enjoy the warmth together.

He stood to take a stroll to let the feeling fade.

He went near the window again. The river and the trees looked same. Nothing had changed in these few minutes, he thought, like his unchanged life in these 5 years.

Yes, nothing had actually changed.

He still did not know what his wife wanted. He still was clueless, what his wife loved. He still was new, to the marital pleasures.

The truth was harsh.

He became uneasy. He had spent 5 years with a beautiful girl, untouched.

The fact that he wanted to focus on his career and self had actually stolen some ‘addictive’ pleasure of life. He regretted being so naive to let it go.

Part of him started becoming angry.

It looked, with every passing second; his self retrospection was clearly dividing him into two.

One part was angry. Angry at everyone – his wife-who was smart enough to understand his wish to succeed, his family-who forced him into the marriage and self-who ignored the beautiful sculpture in his life. The other part was just sleepy, adding ‘really nothing’ to his emotions.

His wife had always been workaholic like him. He had noticed her dedication and commitment. She often have had ‘sleepless’ nights during her submissions. He had always appreciated and respected her for this. She was an independent individual with her own life.

And he was only a part of it. He had liked this fact – ‘not to be the world to his wife’

At the third night after their wedding, he had puked his mind – his want to become ‘big’, his dream to earn ‘a lot’ and his need to be ‘single’. His wife had just stared at him for few minutes before she confirmed-‘Understood’.

Post that, they had been singles, literally singles. Living under the same room, they were only good friends.

He knew that he had not been fair to her. He knew that he had not been fair to himself. And he knew that the ‘thinking’ was making him sick.

Wife had once told him, how much she loved the idea of love. He had then laughed off and excused himself for work.

He assumed, perhaps, the night was an indication for him to know his loss. He assumed, perhaps, the night was a mirror for him to know his needs. And he assumed, perhaps, the night was nothing but a knock of truth.

His assumptions made him confident. His assumptions made him lighter. And his assumptions made him happier.

It was morning already.

Rays had started filling the room, making it warmer inside. He looked at his wife. He knew, It was time for her to embrace the day and him.

 “Is it a need or my love, I don’t know… I crave for her and her untouched glow

It is time to have a broken fast, for she is only one now I want at last”

 

EPILOGUE: “That day when I got up, I saw him sitting on his knees. He had a strange look in his eyes. I think I knew that look. I think I have seen it before, when he had offered me a lift to my office. I have seen that look when he had taken me to a doctor and have fought at the reception. I know I have seen that look when he had criticized me shopping for days for that trip.

And I said before he could speak – ‘Understood, like always’ “

What men really want

Published in Ranchi Lifestyle, May 2015

It always has been a controversial topic- ‘women and their wants’. Most of the people (99.9% males) feel that women are the most complex species ever lived on the earth. But does that imply the other (better) halves are simpler?

While every man is different, there are few ‘aspirations’ every man wants to achieve.

We at Ranchi Lifestyle thought to decode and do a dissection of our Indian Man and see, what exactly holds too much importance in their lives.

<Girls, watch out… It is time for you to start thinking about them too)

• A playful woman and an independent life partner

Want something that can drive him crazy and can attract him for a deeper connection. Men love to be active and to play. It is not what you say that makes them ‘feel for you’ but the overall experience you create for them. So little teasing and sarcasm here and there can always ramp up there interest.

Also, they like to have a woman who can inspire them in life – a woman with a purpose and not living only for relationship. Best way is to be busy in your own life and not making him ‘world’ suddenly. He never wants you to drop your interests, hobbies, work and fun for him- REMEMBER, he chose you for what you are and not for what he can mould you into!

• A prideful body

This is one of the most important aspects of ‘I want’ list of any man. The passion to have a good looking body is seen to be strong in men primarily because it helps them score better!

Well, apart from the obvious reasons, a strong and nice build-up is seen to boost confidence and balance their emotional quotient.

• Adventure and fun

Oh, this is their life. Adventure and fun keeps them going. Be it a cliff jumping or parasailing, they like it all. Obviously, extent of adventure does differ among individuals.

Fun on the other hand adds spice to their life. Men unlike women are too focussed on their definition of fun – a chilled beer with a buddy and checking out chicks is all they want.

• Freedom and space

They value their relationships and their friends, but at the same time want that none should hamper their ‘ME TIME or PERSONAL SPACE’. They don’t like to give this licence to even their better halves. (Now you know why there are breakups!)

• A simple discussion (and not arguments)

Men like to keep it simple and straightforward and expect the same from the person they interact with. They say what they feel without filtering (most of the times). They want to understand the opinions and the reason of mismatch, and don’t like when a simple discussion turns into an arguments. Ladies, they don’t really fear a lost battle, all they want is ‘a simple discussion’.

• Gadgets

Notebook, music player, tablets and what not, you name it and they will like to have them all. Yes, they are crazily madly in love with gizmos. It makes them feel empowered.

The only thing that can stop them owning is the great wall of ‘affordability’!

• A good quality drink – Primarily Beer and whiskey!

When know their drinks well, it is not for ‘getting drunk’. They savour the experience the liquid gives them and hence, they are in constant look out for good quality drinks. Beer and Whiskey are their hot favourites. While Beer is considered as a casual drink giving edge to their boyish age, Whiskey is for machoism and its taste as they ascend the life stage.

• Emotional support

Yes, many men may not agree to this but men are really weak when it comes to emotions. However, they don’t like to show it. If they are emotionally attached with you, they will never harm or cheat you for sure (unless they are psychopaths). They always look for encouragement, appreciation and recognition among their known. A fair expectation, isn’t it?

So girls, do you now understand why man behave like the way they are?

And guys let us know if we missed out on something!

 

The Destroyed Princess

 

I had seen her calm, ALWAYS…

She stood straight out of bed, looking torn out. The room looked dark, with dried twigs and cramped feathers here and there. It has been quite a while since she last cleaned her room.

I remember meeting her one day. Calm, serene and elegantly seated, she looked like a princess. The emerald around her neck had caught my attention. Her skin glowed under the sun, showing her untouched beauty. God! she was beautiful. The beauty was incomparable.

She looked out of the window; the day was dull for her. She unwillingly walked towards the other room to get ready for the day, carelessly cleaning the floor with her torn out gown.

One day, I had told her that I am hungry. I had no money to buy food for myself. She had brought me the grandest meal of my life. I owe her. She had made me sleep on her lap, caressing my hair with her finger.

In fact, she had even gifted me clothes. The best of clothes, I knew. Soft, colorful and beautiful, those clothes were the best. She never had asked me to return favors.

She passed the mirror which was once her pride. The mirror showed her the outer world. She did not care to look at it. She knew, nothing was left to see.

Once, I had asked her about that mirror. She had taken me in front of it. I could see millions of people, rejoicing, celebrating and dancing. I had asked the reason. She had smiled and told me, they all are my people’. It was magical for me. She was care taker of millions like me. I don’t know, I think, I had started loving her more, possibly, respecting her more.

She sat on the broken chair. It seemed that her legs pained. With the blood stains on her face, she looked older.

There was a day when one among her people had thrown a stone at her. It had hit her right on the face. There was blood drops on the road, as she had walked towards her castle.

Some had criticized the act, but rest had related it with their right to the throne.

I remember her crying, but she loved her people. She never retorted.

She could hear the cry outside. She could hear people screaming for help. She could hear small kids looking for their lost parents. She could hear it all. But it did not matter to her any more.

She closed her eyes to let the last drop of tear fall.

I had seen her shattered that day. She was sitting on the rock, looking at the nothingness. I tried talking to her, but she had ignored me. It looked like her dignity had been targeted this time. It looked like she had lost the love she had. It looked like she was ready for the revenge.

She gathered herself together to have her next sleep. It was not the time, still she felt like taking a nap. She seemed tired.

It had been a long day for her. She had ordered for a mass slaughtering. It was hard for her to give such orders, but she knew, it was imperative to maintain the harmony.

She could not stand the ‘exploitation’ she had gone through over these years any longer, her people tearing her clothes publicly, humiliating her and often hurting her physically. It required taking an action.

She had initially tried to warn people with small punishments, but they did not stop.

I wanted to apologize to her, for the act we humans have done to her. But she did not hear yet again. I wanted to make her feel, that I understand. But I know, even my lifestyle has been a reason for her remorse.

She slept on the hardened bed of rocks, looking as innocent like a child. She knew, she would need to prepare herself to extend help next day, to the orphaned kids. She knew, being the mother that she is to them, she would need to feed hundreds of mouths tomorrow again, to whom the destruction had caused loss.  She knew, being the exploited nature that she is, she would still need to shelter them under her arms, who had once thrown stones at her.

I know, dear Mother Earth, you still are the loving princess of our lives.

I know dear Mother Earth; we still owe you day and night.

And I know, dear Mother Earth, these changes in the environment and frequent destructions are the results of what we have sown.

“And, I tried finding the calm and serene Nature yet again; she is alive and is still there… but lives in doom with anger and fear”

 

 

 

The ‘Missed’

‘And I always thought, I am damn safe in my own cocoon’

She switched off the lights after taking her daily midnight bath.

She had always loved it -water, bubbles and self, completely immersed in the bath tub, thinking nothingness for an hour.

Like always, she had taken the same short cut back home from office, she had cooked the same boring oat meal for dinner and she had slipped into her old boring grey night wear to say goodnight to the world. Like always, she had thought.

She turned her back towards the only window in her room.

The window had been nice to her ever since she has shifted in the office. She would drink her morning coffee, looking down at the weird dog owners who would run behind their dogs from her window. She would sometimes, paint beside the window, looking closely at the passerby. She had also sobbed looking at the window, in the hope that someone somewhere was watching her cry. Like always, window has been her only companion in the room.

She did not want to be disturbed. She did not want to see the flashing lights of the vehicle passing under her window. She did not want to hear the roaring sounds of the trucks laden with fruits, vegetables or anything. She wanted sleep. She wanted peace. She wanted solitude.

‘She had always been a loner’; her mother had always told her friends, neighbors and relatives in despair. Though, she would always chuckle at her mother’s remarks. She knew, she was not a loner. She had friends. She had people to talk to. She had companions to hang out with. But her preference was to talk to self, her entertainment was hanging out alone and her friend was her only soul.

She looked at the clock again. 2.30 am. Still hours to go to wake up, she thought closing her eyes tightly. ‘Sleep, sleep, sleep please’, she authoritatively told herself.

She had shifted to a flat away from home for her job. She would visit her mother once in two months. Other than that, her weekends were mainly wasted in creating few more paintings, reading about psychology and cooking ‘good food’. She would also take out one Saturday for Feni, her flatmate and hang out buddy in the unknown city. They both would sneak into their converse, wear loose T-shirts and would walk through the lanes in Pyjamas. Amidst the solitude, Feni was her only interaction with the outer world.

She stared at the clock. 2.45 am. It seemed, the clock has been stuck. She switched on the lights to have a closer look. 2.46 am. May be, the clock moved faster in her supervision, she thought.

She switched on the TV to watch news.

It had been 5 months that she had stopped going out with Feni too. She would stay in her room whole day, only coming out to cook. Sometimes, she would even skip cooking and stay hungry whole day. She had also started avoiding Feni’s room. She would behave as if the room never existed.

The news seemed sad. It talked how the stars play a role in screwing every body’s life, or how a saint can molest a girl or how the country is moving and growing. Nothing interested her. Her eyes wanted to sleep. But her heart would not let her; after all, it was again a Saturday. A Saturday meant to be spent with Feni, her dear buddy.

It had been a usual Saturday with Feni. Though, she had decided to leave early alone. She had planned to pick some gifts for Feni. She had gone to a florist to buy some yellow and pink flowers of her choice, she had ordered a customized cake showing two girls on a bike for her and she had even brought a nice floral dress for her. After all, Feni was getting married!

They both have decided to meet at the Bakers, their favorite shop to try varieties of cakes and chocolates.

She had waited for Feni forever that day, but Feni had not come. Annoyed, she had thrown the gift in the bin while returning home. She had tip-toed straight to her room, sure of not asking for any explanations. She had cried whole night thinking about the possible reason of not showing up, and had later slept off.

She reluctantly decided to knock at the Feni’s door. She opened her door and stared for a minute towards her room. Lights were still on. She dragged her feet slowly towards the room. After gathering all her courage, she forced opened her room.

She had not cared to ask for Feni the whole week.  She had re-assumed her work following week and had ignored her room. She had often wondered about the absence of calls from Feni, it was so unlike her. Though, her anger would stop her anxious self.

After 10 days of ‘pretentious ignoring Feni’, she had decided to talk to Feni face to face. She had come home early that night and had gone towards her room straight away.  After an hour of continuous knocking and struggling to get through her room door, she had called the boys she knew. The male gang had broken the door that night to witness the horrific incident. 

Feni’s dead fiancé slept naked on the blood stained bed. The room smelled blood and flesh. It seemed, someone had dragged him in the room by his soft beautiful hair, which Feni had always loved. The mirror in the room stood unbroken with some patches of dried blood.

Shocked, she had vigorously searched for Feni. Walking through the messed room and broken flower pots, she had cried within herself.

‘Feni, oh dear Feni’, she had thought.

She stood staring at the bed. She could still visualize the dead fiancé. She could still smell the blood and the flesh in the room. She could still see Feni chattering nonchalantly over phone. And she could still see Feni fading away from the room and her life.

‘5 months or 5 years, you are always missed oh my dear…’

 

10 things every guy should learn like ‘right away’

After all the hullabaloo over the ‘rape cases’ and what a ‘not so bad’ girls should do, it is time to tell all the men out here to learn few things (rather basic) to make this society a better place to live for humans.

• Girls – Even though you have seen movies and your friends talking about them as a piece of pleasure, the truth is they are ‘NOT’. Yes, they have cleavage like you have balls. Yes, they show their thighs like you show your muscles. Simple, isn’t it?

 

• They swing their butt, yes, little too much sometimes. But ‘IT IS NOT AN INVITATION’. If they really want to do it, they will speak up. If you still think they are inviting, please clear your confusion before getting into their pants. Re-learn ‘PERMISSION’.

 

• They are like flowers. Well, off course. They bloom to glory and they spread beauty around. But aren’t you told by your teachers ‘NOT TO PLUCK FLOWERS’?

 

• You see a ‘girl’, and get excited (thanks to the noodles that you have eaten last night, may be). Then you plan to rape her. Oh sorry, you plan a mistake to rape her. Cool, isn’t it? Well, ‘rape is not a mistake, it is a crime’. And Crime is not justifiable. NEVER.

 

• Men are stronger (in strength). Yes, many of you are. Use this strength to fight for the nation and the society. Forcing on a ‘softer gender’ (like what you call girls most of the times), is not being strong. It is a symbol of being coward.

 

• Many of you are not the rapists, agreed. But when you abuse your girlfriends, or sometimes disrespect your wife, trust, you also rape their emotions. You are no less than the ‘one who just had fun’ with the girl on a moving bus. The only difference is ‘scars are not visible in your case’

 

• A girl should not step out ‘after 7pm’. May be you are sane to tell her that. But if a girl is out after the set time, it does not mean ‘SHE IS OKAY TO BE PLAYED AROUND’. Possibly, she was working hard to support herself like you do every day. Possibly, she enjoys being with friends and hangout under the moon shine like you do. ‘HER GENDER DOES NOT DEFINE HER LIFE RULES’.

 

• Please stop moral policing. Focus on ‘how you can become right’ rather than focusing on’ how can you teach lessons to people you see around’.

 

• A RAPED GIRL IS NOT A VICTIM. She is a fighter and a survivor. Rather than feeling ‘sorry’ for her, and ‘discussing about what happened with the poor soul’, STAND AGAINST THE ONE WHO MADE YOUR GENDER ‘ASHAMED’.

 

• Don’t wait until it happens with your near ones. The pain would be unbearable.

 If you can’t control your horses, better get rid of them. It will be a social service to all of us, we control population, rapes and ‘dirt birth’, all at the same time.

 

 

Gifting options for your love!

The day which is scheduled for 14^th February every year, attracts many wanted and unwanted attention. While many of us get excited of knowing that it is coming, rest of the world feel depressed for the same reasons.

The excited ones- go out to buy the prettiest red dress, the sexiest red tie, hit Google for gifting options and do reservations, though the rest of the world, succumb themselves only to blame work for no outings.

Either ways, the day is worth the wait and fun to experience.

However, over the years, the day had been revamping itself. While it all started with expressing love and gifting roses and chocolates to the one you love, our gen-next has taken a step ahead to define the day.

The new generation is techie, impatient and often lazy – searching for something which saves time and energy. They are not too emotionally attached, and don’t mind shifting to next prospects. They take love with rather a pinch of salt. For them, the day is another excuse to ask for dates.

While the ‘no strings attached relationships’ mantra is becoming the ‘big thing’, there are many who still sail on the love seas. For them, the love day is everything they live for.

So to help both- the fast forward generation as well as the love birds to buy some nice gifts for the day, we have few smart options for the different type of lovers on the block à

• If your love of the life is ‘tech-maniac’ – these people are majorly honours in technology. They breathe, live and eat only to know which gadget would be launched next. Their life revolves around singing goodnight jingles over phone for you and telling you about the hottest tech-pad they aspire. Well, these are the expensive of the lots. While their choice of gifts would range anything from I-pad to smart watches to X-boxes, we suggest you to look for customization within the limited choice you have in your budget. You can gift covers for their gadgets engraved with their names along with yours or you could get the back of the gadget printed with the picture of you together.

• When you know your love is a ‘day-dreamer’ – if your lover is a day dreamer, trust you have hit a jackpot. They are sweet people, who would prefer to date you in their thoughts rather than forcing you to buy an expensive gift for the day. Their idea of love is to have you by their side and discuss their unlimited future plans. A smallest of a teddy bear over the candle light dinner makes them elated. For the male day-dreamers, we suggest a day well spent in your nicest of the dress to make you look cute and happy.

• If the better half is too smart and creative – a tough one to handle, you rather need to plan ahead for the day to make them special. They know you in and out, plus the creativity zeal in them often depresses you about the gifts you should give. Take a deep breath and stop competing in their creativity. It will be hard to beat them. The simplest ideas could range from looking for something they had never done to may be an adventure sport option or planning a treasure hunt for the things they love.

• Only if it’s your first valentine with her/him – a word of caution- don’t do Bolly-wood in front of them! They don’t want you to be romantic and go crazy booking tables at the most expensive restaurants, all they want is you right now. So discuss and plan the day together- girls would rather enjoy getting dressed in your favourite clothes while guys might love you for managing whole day for them.

• Suggested for ‘love at first sight’ – these are like emergency situations, cupid has just thought to strike your chords. Don’t plan anything. Safest option is to stick to traditional flowers and chocolates in a heart shaped box!

• If your love is already celebrating its silver jubilee– when you know that you both are born, lived and also ageing together. They rule your heart, mind and soul now, and you don’t remember the last time you dated someone else. Your love is complaining about the tasteless food and fighting over petty issues. The most romantic gift you can give them is the glimpse of memory lane. It could be as simple as gifting them an album of memories with short notes to as complicated as making a movie on your love life together.

• Hooked and booked conditions – if you are still enjoying your courtship period with your love or are newly-wed couple, planning a mini-picnic or trip is not a bad idea. You could also gift diamonds and accessories to add oomph to the new love.

• If you are single and ready to mingle – If the cupid has not aimed his arrow at you yet, but you are dying to get attacked soon – this is one for you. Buy something for yourself; you would have otherwise loved your partner to gift you. Use it the same day and spend the time of singlehood with yourself. Drink coffee and eat pastry, go on for a bike ride and wear the prettiest colour you like. Do things for yourself, this could be the last year to love and pamper yourself like you do at present. And you never know, the chirpy you on V-day is the only way to find your love

All we want to suggest you is that, no matter what you gift and what you do, just enjoy the ride to the unknown destination!