Archive for the ‘Family Life’ Category

Published in Ranchi Lifestyle, May 2015

It always has been a controversial topic- ‘women and their wants’. Most of the people (99.9% males) feel that women are the most complex species ever lived on the earth. But does that imply the other (better) halves are simpler?

While every man is different, there are few ‘aspirations’ every man wants to achieve.

We at Ranchi Lifestyle thought to decode and do a dissection of our Indian Man and see, what exactly holds too much importance in their lives.

<Girls, watch out… It is time for you to start thinking about them too)

  • A playful woman and an independent life partner

Want something that can drive him crazy and can attract him for a deeper connection. Men love to be active and to play. It is not what you say that makes them ‘feel for you’ but the overall experience you create for them. So little teasing and sarcasm here and there can always ramp up there interest.

Also, they like to have a woman who can inspire them in life – a woman with a purpose and not living only for relationship. Best way is to be busy in your own life and not making him ‘world’ suddenly. He never wants you to drop your interests, hobbies, work and fun for him- REMEMBER, he chose you for what you are and not for what he can mould you into!

  • A prideful body

This is one of the most important aspects of ‘I want’ list of any man. The passion to have a good looking body is seen to be strong in men primarily because it helps them score better!

Well, apart from the obvious reasons, a strong and nice build-up is seen to boost confidence and balance their emotional quotient.

  • Adventure and fun

Oh, this is their life. Adventure and fun keeps them going. Be it a cliff jumping or parasailing, they like it all. Obviously, extent of adventure does differ among individuals.

Fun on the other hand adds spice to their life. Men unlike women are too focussed on their definition of fun – a chilled beer with a buddy and checking out chicks is all they want.

  • Freedom and space

They value their relationships and their friends, but at the same time want that none should hamper their ‘ME TIME or PERSONAL SPACE’. They don’t like to give this licence to even their better halves. (Now you know why there are breakups!)

  • A simple discussion (and not arguments)

Men like to keep it simple and straightforward and expect the same from the person they interact with. They say what they feel without filtering (most of the times). They want to understand the opinions and the reason of mismatch, and don’t like when a simple discussion turns into an arguments. Ladies, they don’t really fear a lost battle, all they want is ‘a simple discussion’.

  • Gadgets

Notebook, music player, tablets and what not, you name it and they will like to have them all. Yes, they are crazily madly in love with gizmos. It makes them feel empowered.

The only thing that can stop them owning is the great wall of ‘affordability’!

  • A good quality drink – Primarily Beer and whiskey!

When know their drinks well, it is not for ‘getting drunk’. They savour the experience the liquid gives them and hence, they are in constant look out for good quality drinks. Beer and Whiskey are their hot favourites. While Beer is considered as a casual drink giving edge to their boyish age, Whiskey is for machoism and its taste as they ascend the life stage.

  • Emotional support

Yes, many men may not agree to this but men are really weak when it comes to emotions. However, they don’t like to show it. If they are emotionally attached with you, they will never harm or cheat you for sure (unless they are psychopaths). They always look for encouragement, appreciation and recognition among their known. A fair expectation, isn’t it?

So girls, do you now understand why man behave like the way they are?

And guys let us know if we missed out on something!

 

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I sometimes feel lucky; I had been a daughter to wonderful parents.  They have stood by me when I had made blunders, they have shown me the beautiful side of the world and they have made me what I am today.

I feel safe, loved and confident. I know what I want and I know I am not alone. I can fight for myself and can help others. I have my own personality and dreams. I am ME.

Not everyone is as lucky, I reckon.

While our society knows what should be a daughter like, they ignore the fact that they need to guide them too.

Trust, raising a daughter is more than ‘giving candies’ and ‘loving’.  And at this present situation where you cannot even trust your own blood; your daughters need extra learning and care.

Here are few things, which I believe, every parent should tell their daughters in their growing up stages:

  • We are always there for you; do not shy away with your secrets: First and foremost, trust your girl and give her time to trust you. Remember, she would not share her concerns/worries if you are not ready to believe her already. After all, all she wants is to have her parents around, in good or bad.
  • You are not a thing, to be touched and felt anytime: You need to tell her, teach her, what a bad touch is and a good touch. Ask her to come to you whenever she is in pain. Do not order her these things, but discuss. Do not feel shy discussing things with her. It is important and useful for her. They need right guidance for the time when you are not around.
  • Confidence is your beauty: Many Parents appreciate their daughters on her beauty when they dress up nicely. This can harm their confidence in longer run. Educate them, beauty is not about looking good and wearing nice outfits, it is more about showcasing yourself as a confident individual. Face beauty may fade away with time, but confidence in you will always keep you shined.
  • Be yourself, decide for your life: Trust them, give them chances to experiment and tell them to decide on their own. Nothing beats learning through experiences. But yes, that does not mean you leave them alone. Do supervise what they are doing. Point them if you don’t agree, listen to their views and then decide together.
  • Keep emotions at bay when not needed: it is common for people to say, that girls are emotional fools. Well, there is nothing to be ashamed of your emotions. But one need to tell daughters that emotions are not meant to be wasted. Communicate, that emotions are not bad but need to be used wisely. Cite instances, talk and share your own instances with her.
  • Saying “NO” is not bad: this is the most important thing every girl needs to learn. Saying No is always better than doing something one is not comfortable in. If she lose her friends, let it be, if saying no makes her look stupid, let it be and if saying No keeps her away , let it be. She needs to learn that either she could be one among the herd and get slaughter at the end, or be a tiger to walk alone with pride.
  • You are more important than society: yes, we all are social animals. But don’t forget we have made this society. Instead of telling your daughter to do things due to societal norms, have confidence and open up with her. Her life is more important to you than people whom you don’t even know.
  • Being a girl is not bad: While your daughter might get exposed to ill effects of society, you need to build her confidence in her own gender. There might be 100 rapes happening around, one girl every day is being assaulted, or may be every second girl has her story of eve teasing, still being a girl is not your fault and it is not bad. Narrate her beauty of being a girl and tell her how she is important part of the eco system.

Dear Fathers, she is also watching how you are treating her mother; be an example of a Man your daughter would respect.

  • Be independent: you might think that this has nothing to do with your daughter’s safety or her life, yet I bet it is important. Feed her with the lesson, every girl needs to be independent. She might choose not to work, but she always should possess skills and confidence to feed herself and her kids when in need rather than doing things she would not want to do.
  • Your home is your rescue: No matter if she fails hundred times, she should have belief that her home is the safest place where she can come back. She would not be criticized for her failures, she would be appreciated for her little achievements and she would be protected from harms. It is every parent’s duty to make their daughter feel this way.

These are small things to be taken care of. And you cannot imagine yourself sitting one day and telling her all. Every day needs to be invested in her.

Daughters are very sensitive, they need to be loved and lived. That’s all!!!

I often relate myself with Isla Fisher in confessions of a shopaholic; listening to mannequins calling out for me to shop more. Those sparkling shoes, price tags on the ear cuffs and the smell of a new cloth- only people like me can describe what it feels like.

I believe I am BORN to SHOP ;)

I believe I am BORN to SHOP 😉

My endless desires look like these

And my endless desires look like these…

Only difference between me and her is that I have not seen bankruptcy like her! I DO HAVE MY OWN SAVINGS 

Well, it was not easy for me in the beginning…

Ever since I got into working, my bank account hardly witnessed any balance post mid month. All most all of it was spent on shopping- primarily buying clothes, shoes and cosmetics.  Though as a rule, I always took credit from my parents when needed so no dealings with any debt collector.

That night, I woke up amidst my sleep, uneasy and damp with perspiration. I saw myself in torn kaftan going to office. My money had drained out overnight. No shopping, no shoes and no fun. I was a woman without money doing penny pinching. I looked horrendous. This can’t be me I had thought.

Nightmare was a wake up call for a wastrel!

I started looking for a result oriented approach which does take care of my money without crunching my shopping errand.  By all the possible trials, I found out some interesting easy-to-follow steps which can be helpful to all:

  • KNOW YOUR EXPENSES:  To start with, I made a list of all possible types of expenses and matched it with the average spend per month. It helped me in understanding the maximum pay-out area.
  • MAKE BUCKETS: Once I knew out-flow of cash, I segmented my expenses into buckets. So I had a personal expense bucket, household expense bucket, utility services bucket, emergency spend bucket, saving bucket and clothes/shoes bucket. Since I did not want to cheat on my love for clothes and shoes, I did make a separate bucket for it. For me; personal, saving and clothes/shoes bucket were variable and rest were fixed expense bucket. These buckets helped me a lot in allocating the income wisely with a good amount of savings.
  • PRIORITIZE SPEND AND THEN DIVIDE: Trust me, in this social world you can’t just run away from spending. But, hey we can be sensible. I had different prioritization of my expenses for different months and altered the ratios in each bucket every time. I knew my work sucks in the month of December leaving me with no time for myself or for my friends so I decreased the ratio of my personal spend bucket and put those extra bucks in my savings. Similarly, the ratio for personal expenses got higher in my birthday month decreasing the ratios of other variable buckets like shopping and saving.
  • INVEST AND INVEST:  Yes, I made it a must. I started treating my salary 20%less than the original so my saving bucket is not ignored. I was not confident previously about investing though I explored and learnt. It is not a rocket science and I am sure, we all can do it alone. I started with safe investing options like fixed deposit and recurring deposits and then tried other options once certain.
  • MAINTAIN-EVALUATE-CHANGE:  Initially, I maintained a log about ‘where am I spending’. It helped in re-analysing the bucket ratios and speculating for the next month making me smarter with my rupees. Now I know when I need to change ratios of which all buckets without scribbling it over a notebook.  
  • CONTROL YOURSELF: This sounds little complicated but the best thing I did was to limit my usage of credit cards. Those are foes in disguise. You tend to go out of your limit if you have them right inside your wallet and all the hard work of maintaining your money is gone for a toss. Better avoid until emergency. I had stopped carrying it for few months initially to get away with the addiction and hurray, it helped.

 

I had started following these mantras few months back to be a sensible-meticulous woman but now it comes naturally to me. In fact, I believe I don’t do impulsive shopping anymore unlike earlier.  It might look like some rehabilitation process to begin with but it would change you into a more confident and enlightened self.

Be it an unexpected expenditure or your expensive desire, you can manage it all. So get going and be a proud rich woman by your mid 30s

Happy money-o-juggling!

Marital life comes with its own share of worries. You try to adjust in the new home, connect with the unknowns and share yourself with his family- the expectations out of every girl, at least in the Indian context.

It starts from the time when you are ‘booked’ for your soul mate.

Your friends think that every lost moment you have is for him… your siblings become maniac eve-teasers… your mom and dad behave like those of Ekta Kapoor’s serial –parents with watery eyes and running noses… Your cousins ping you to ask about him and his likes…

And you?  Well, you are inconsequential!

670px-Be-Yourself-Step-2

Your life starts to revolve between Dos and Donts to make him happy. You often get befuddled and people around you think it is ‘new-life-resistant-syndrome’.

You get different lectures on those not-liked areas like responsibility and duties and are made to sleep with the mantras like –Passion, compassion and patience

Amidst all the ‘instructions’ and ‘guidance’ you get from Mrs. Sharma or your Pummy aunty, the lessons on ‘maintaining self’ takes a back seat.

You do have our own choices and dreams!

So, to help you in this state of confusion -Here are 6 Dos to prevent your individuality post marriage:

1)      ENJOY YOUR OWN SPACE: yes, we know you are in love with him and he is your life, but don’t ignore yourself. Do party with your friends without him, spend time sometimes with your colleagues post work or meet new people. Let him also have his own space with his friends and known. This isn’t bad. Always together is sometimes boring. And, distance helps in infusing charm and newness in the relation!

2)      FILTER YOUR SECRETS: Many believe that ‘telling everything’ to your partner makes it easy. Well, not always. Truth is not easy to digest.  So maybe he knows about your past relations and all the notorious expedition but restrain yourself from detailing him ‘those cozy moments’. It was your past and should be dumped (and, he needs not to know it anyways). Next time, when you reveal your history to be transparent with him, make sure the ‘not-required-harmful’ descriptions are omitted. Dead past should not be a reason for the insecurity.

3)      KEEP YOUR OWN ‘UNKNOWN’ SAVINGS: I always had seen my mother and the likes hiding their money in small bunches at 10 different places and never using them. They had their personal saving account which off course their husbands knew. Even though few of them were working, they had their own secret savings not known to their better halves. I used to think it as some ‘older-woman-trick’ to loot their husbands. And that day when my mother wanted to surprise Dad by learning Casio, she had her own money for the enrollment. Worth a learning! You cannot rationalize all your expenses.  You need to have a hidden treasure to pamper your unimportant wishes!

4)      ONLY NICETIES ABOUT YOUR FAMILY: yes, it is his family too. Your parents are his parents too. Though there are some of your family secrets which should not be disclosed in front of him, like your father initially rejected him saying that he is an under performer at work or your sister had once got drunk with an unknown and etc. His perception might get influenced by the stories you would tell him and could lead to ‘not-so-good’ imagery. Obviously, you don’t want him to say anything against them ever.

5)      RESPECT YOUR INTERESTS: Okay, his likes are important and yours too. If you can go for sky diving because he loves to do it, you can also expect yourself to paint those bunnies you wanted or go meditating every day for the inner peace. Trust, it is not being selfish. Don’t treat shaadi as the apex; there is a life post that too. Indulge yourself in your interests/hobbies and love yourself too. You deserve it!

6)      BE SMART WITH WORDS: That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less – By Arundhati Roy in The God of Small Things. There is always a better way of communicating things. You need to be word wise, not only in your marriage but otherwise too. It also makes him work for you willingly!

 

Now stop boggling your head with the myriads of advices you have got, you already have your 6 pointer list ready for yourself.

Trust, these are 6 wonder-mantras along with passion, compassion and patience are enough to keep you going even after marriage. And don’t worry, your hubby would not find it ‘out-of-the-way’

P.S:  If you believe you have your own Dos which work wonders; do share it with all Womeniyas.

26 Single

Posted: March 24, 2014 in Family Life, lifestyle
Tags: , , ,

Recently I read an article about a girl unmarried at the age of 26. It read similar to what the book ‘Almost single’ by Advaita Kala talks about- Continuous sniggering of relatives, a state of doomed mind and clueless head of a single independent lady! And the reason primarily being Man-less in their near to end of twenties.

It made me thinking. With ‘WE’ trying to prove ourselves in the competitive world, happy with the results professionally- personal life sometimes become a challenge to deal with in late twenties. While more than half of our batch mates are already planning for their off springs, we still seem excited about a party to hit the floor or for our new crush! People perceive it scary, but for us, we know its fine!

So for those who think it’s not cool to be single at 26 or think, we need help- I really want to question:

1)      Who invented the concept of maximum age limit? No seriously, what the hell make people believe that age is the right criteria to decide things. So even if a person is not mentally settled for a marriage at the age of 30, still she is supposed to be married. Otherwise, it would be too late. As if there is some train to catch or a deadline to meet. Marriage- the next ‘in thing’ in life post getting a job.

Come on dude, Government had also defined minimum age for marriage and not maximum!

 

2)      Single at 26 is better or stuck with wrong person at 24-25 sounds cool? Out of pressure, we often tend to get it over. We make wrong choices, quick approaches and end up in a mess. Common guys, it a matter of our life, we humans look for warranty/guarantee in objects like washing machine and refrigerators also, how do you expect us to be so quick and sure for a life time deal with no security. Sometimes, you need more time to gamble and play safe. Forcing or getting desperate to get married is insane, give yourself time to decide!

Does not matter, we Indians all borne to adjust! Survival of the ‘adjuster’ my foot! L

 

3)      What do you mean by ‘your choice’?  Now this is a broad meaning game played usually. We are told that it would be our choice for our life partners. Great! We go ahead, meet someone and make them meet our family. But they reject, saying your choice is wrong! Okay, we let them go ahead, choose few for us and then we reject all. They are sure our choice is wrong! All in all, we have real no choice.

Your choice is only agreed if it matches their choice, if you divert from what is being told then you are a big WRONG :X

 

4)      Please define the goal – yes, we surely need a definition for our life. All our life, we were told that the motto is to lead a good respectable life. I am sure; we all are doing that or at least working towards it, then how this all marriage affair came into existence and became the top most priority?

We will even do that, but don’t make it our lifetime goal

 

5)      Is it sensible to do what others tell you? Many have to undergo unnecessary pressure of getting married at a certain age for not what your elders want for us, but for the society. They don’t want to hear them saying behind the backs. Is it good to get it over because of society criticism?

We make the society, how can it rule over us?

We don’t know how to evaluate or understand the ‘real logic’ behind getting married in a certain age limit, may be biological constraints are more prominent than the societal norms. We appreciate and love the people who are with their soul mates but we also are happy for us too. We do believe that marriage is an important part of life though not the only ‘chapter’! Stop being ‘mad’ about it

P.S: I know, many of you are already settled and do not relate to this, but this relates to the truth of 26 Single!