Understood- Like always!

“I ran and ran, ran so fast…but the life I want, and the one I craft… gives me no happiness, as I still starve…Oh the sinful love, oh the sinful need”

He slipped from his bed carefully, trying not to disturb his pretty wife.

Wife looked magical, with just the right amount of moonlight falling on her mane and face.

“It had been 3 days since they had checked in the hotel right next to the river front. His wife had opted for the place to have a romantic stay after 5 years of their wedding. All these years, they both had been crazily working to support themselves and their dreams – own house, car, stature and friends.

Now, their bank balance was as strong as they had ever imagined.”

 

He moved towards the window. He knew that something had waked him up. But he did not know what.

He turned back to see his wife again; tossing her sides, she looked like a baby. How can one be so beautiful and serene? He thought within himself.

“Initial few days of marriage had not been easy. Being an arrange set up, he had been skeptical about his would be partner. His dreams, his priorities and his work, he thought he would need to change them all.

But she was different. She had understood him well, giving him his own space and life. And things had been like always – without change.

He looked through the window – stretched wide, river seemed endless. Moonlight over the surface had made the river look picturesque. He could see trees, aiming high to touch the sky, just like him. He smiled. Possibly, the night had something important for him.

“It was the first time when they had planned a holiday for themselves, post the ‘compulsorily’ honeymoon package. Wife had spent (nearly wasted) a week in getting the perfect look for the outing- shoes, clothes and makeup. She had even placed her first kiss on his cheek, publicly in excitement. 

They both had traveled by road, towards east, away from the usual commercialized 5 star set-ups. A small hotel near the village had attracted his wife’s fancy, facing the mighty Ganges.”

He sat at the corner of the bed, near her feet. It seemed that each part of her body had been meticulously carved out by the lord himself. Feet accessorized with toe-ring and silver anklet looked perfect.

He wanted to keep looking at her, from a distance without disturbing her sleep. Though, part of him desperately wanted to touch the pearl body and enjoy the warmth together.

He stood to take a stroll to let the feeling fade.

He went near the window again. The river and the trees looked same. Nothing had changed in these few minutes, he thought, like his unchanged life in these 5 years.

Yes, nothing had actually changed.

He still did not know what his wife wanted. He still was clueless, what his wife loved. He still was new, to the marital pleasures.

The truth was harsh.

He became uneasy. He had spent 5 years with a beautiful girl, untouched.

The fact that he wanted to focus on his career and self had actually stolen some ‘addictive’ pleasure of life. He regretted being so naive to let it go.

Part of him started becoming angry.

It looked, with every passing second; his self retrospection was clearly dividing him into two.

One part was angry. Angry at everyone – his wife-who was smart enough to understand his wish to succeed, his family-who forced him into the marriage and self-who ignored the beautiful sculpture in his life. The other part was just sleepy, adding ‘really nothing’ to his emotions.

His wife had always been workaholic like him. He had noticed her dedication and commitment. She often have had ‘sleepless’ nights during her submissions. He had always appreciated and respected her for this. She was an independent individual with her own life.

And he was only a part of it. He had liked this fact – ‘not to be the world to his wife’

At the third night after their wedding, he had puked his mind – his want to become ‘big’, his dream to earn ‘a lot’ and his need to be ‘single’. His wife had just stared at him for few minutes before she confirmed-‘Understood’.

Post that, they had been singles, literally singles. Living under the same room, they were only good friends.

He knew that he had not been fair to her. He knew that he had not been fair to himself. And he knew that the ‘thinking’ was making him sick.

Wife had once told him, how much she loved the idea of love. He had then laughed off and excused himself for work.

He assumed, perhaps, the night was an indication for him to know his loss. He assumed, perhaps, the night was a mirror for him to know his needs. And he assumed, perhaps, the night was nothing but a knock of truth.

His assumptions made him confident. His assumptions made him lighter. And his assumptions made him happier.

It was morning already.

Rays had started filling the room, making it warmer inside. He looked at his wife. He knew, It was time for her to embrace the day and him.

 “Is it a need or my love, I don’t know… I crave for her and her untouched glow

It is time to have a broken fast, for she is only one now I want at last”

 

EPILOGUE: “That day when I got up, I saw him sitting on his knees. He had a strange look in his eyes. I think I knew that look. I think I have seen it before, when he had offered me a lift to my office. I have seen that look when he had taken me to a doctor and have fought at the reception. I know I have seen that look when he had criticized me shopping for days for that trip.

And I said before he could speak – ‘Understood, like always’ “

A purposeful Sin

She saw him closely for the first time. He looked tempting. Dressed in a crisp white shirt, there was something unusual about him. She admired his moustaches- which she earlier had rejected, she appreciated the greed in his eyes- which she earlier had criticized and she loved him near-which she earlier had not allowed.

They had met in a get together 2 years back. There had been a strange connection post that, both trying to spend as much time together. They had spent every weekend , talking continuously for hours. They had ignored the social circle, laughing over a senseless joke. They had watched stars under sky, forgetting to return home.

 He had been insistent on getting under covers after their first trip together. Even though she had dismissed the thought in front of him fearing society, she herself had fantasized him during the dark hours.  They knew it was hard to resist each other, but they also knew-it was not a good idea either.

He stripped her last knot of the dress, climbing carefully on the exposed body. It was her turn to do the needful. But she seemed lost in his eyes, mesmerized by his twinkles. He smiled and unbuttoned his shirt on his own. He knew she was new to the show.

After months of resistance and denial, she finally had agreed to his fancies. The room was booked at the outskirts, to avoid unnecessary interventions. She had selected the best of her dress for the occasion, trying it for n^th time before finalizing. He had bought a special perfume, to relish the moment he waited. And they both have decided to keep it a secret, to keep away from society judgments.

They both rest naked beside each other, tired and exhausted after the action just completed. He had been nice while placing himself inside her, caressing and guiding at every step. She had been shy, resistive and careful at every minute. His experience and her innocence had made the perfect combination. She knew she was content and so was he.

She had meticulously selected the day before her marriage, excusing herself for a trip with friends. She had extended the stay for a day after the trip, to gift him the last she could before she leave. He had clubbed it with his official trip, justifying his absence to his wife at home. 

‘I should be going now, see you there’, she said adjusting her dress and handing him the invitation card. He knew he was meant to be present at her wedding, helping the family in necessary preparations. He knew she wanted him to be there, watching her in her wedding attires. He knew the chapter was over, worth reading and revising soon.

The dark eyes and glossed lips had taken over his heart the day they had met after her return from foreign land. He had offered her help in studies, life and fun. He had taken her to places, in hopes of getting a flesh of hers. She had opposed the demands he had, often relating it to sin. She had been strong about her decision until she had fallen for him.

He entered the hall to greet the couple. She could see the usual playfulness in his eyes while he walked. She could sense the usual calm in his mood while he talked. She could hear the usual laugh in his mind while he enjoyed.

‘We can continue’, he said hugging her tight on the stage, ‘after all, it will be a secret like before’

She had tried to forget the moments she had spent with him while she attended all her functions. She had tried to like her groom while her mind had hovered around him.  She had tried to feel happy about the life while her heart cried over the past night.

She had known since long, the guy she dated was already taken. She had known since long, the love she felt was not hers. And she had known since long, this relation shared was with her own cousin.

She stared as he left – her skin as pale as garden yellow. She screamed inside her heart in guilt; scratching her body with her nails. She ran inside the room, leaving the function and the groom.

And she roared as she wept, ‘OH God, this time don’t forgive me for this PURPOSEFUL SIN’

She knew they together had spent the night, the things happened between were not right…. She doomed herself in no light… This was her sad remorseful plight.

 

The only letter

She had seen him like this for many years now. Sitting upright on a chair typing nonchalantly on his only machine –the typewriter was the priority work of his day. She often had doubted about the contents of the sheets wasted and thrown into the bins. She often had imagined him living his rest of the life in asylums. She often had heard him shouting to the walls and talking to himself. He was weird, she often had whispered to herself.

It had been her duty all these years to serve him the first tea with lemon and morning mails at 8am. Post which, he would stroll in his miniature garden and spend time memorizing something in his bald head. At noon, she served him hot tomato soup with sautéed beans and bread. Evenings were spent typing and throwing uncountable papers. And dinner was confined to either fruits or buns.

She had become accustomed to the routine. She would walk in the garden alone, sporadically smelling the flowers she had grown. She would talk to the birds and maids, her only companions in the house. Sometimes, she would cry in the dark when no one seemed around.

Post his wife’s death; she was gifted to him by his in-laws to take care of him. She was a girl of age 10 then and he was a handsome man in his mid 30’s. During her blossom years, she used to stare him from corner of her eyes, tendering his bare body after shower. She longed his presence during nights. But he never became amicable with her.

She had tried possible techniques to make him want her. She had prepared lavish feasts to make him adore her. She had sometimes even tried to dress inappropriately to make him feel her. But it seemed he was untouched by the worldly desires.

She stared at her body that morning after her customary rituals. Her skin had lost its charm before the age, making her look old and unwanted. Her body hairs have outgrown in numbers, making her look ugly. Her figure no longer talked about her beauty and her eyes lacked the sparkle of a damsel.

She did not serve dinner that night and sulked about her lost youth. She did not answer the door knocks and sat criticizing self in the mirror. She was disheartened and angry with him.

Ever since she was bought in the house, he had never allowed her to see the outer world. Her knowledge was confined to the commercials on the television. She often had demanded new clothes and a trip, to which he had denied without caring.

One night, he had come to her room with moist eyes. He had cried squeezing her tight in his arms. She was perplexed at the change of emotion. They later had spent hours together warming each other amidst the cold. She had regarded it as an opportunity of a different life ahead. Though later he had sent her a letter apologizing over the ‘situation-driven’ behaviour. And the following days were spent in the same preparations by her and negligence from him.

She searched for the paper, opening and closing drawers hurriedly. It was midnight already. She wanted to feel him again. She wanted to hug his letter at least. She rushed to his room in hope to find something there. His room stood silent devoid of his presence. She looked around suspiciously. It was rare to see him absent from the room. She tip-toed to the corner of the room, ignoring the warning he had given her once to stay out of his room. She saw the used sheets scattered around the bin addressed to her name –KUNTHA.

She was overjoyed. He had been writing for her, may be, she had thought.  Her eyes caught a glance of a large envelope, neatly placed on his study table. She wanted to read it, but mannerism within her seemed conflicting with the idea.  After much of thought, she decided to open the envelope.

To her surprise, the envelope was a home of her photos. Some were taken when she strolled in the garden, some during her conversation with maids…While some were her candid moments during cooking, other portrayed her lost beauty. She also got hold of a letter.

After reading the letter, she stood there clenching her fingers together, tears flowing rapidly with every new arising question in her mind.

His in-laws had requested him not to marry again, for they considered it inappropriate for their family name. They wanted him to have his heir. For the purpose, they had purchased Kuntha from her family and gifted her as his mistress. Unknown to this fact, Kuntha had been always nice to him. He had been harsh and unwelcoming, contrary to which she had been respectful.

She had grown into a beautiful lady by her early 20’s. He had wanted to dominate her body then, though some part of his heart wanted him to be her partner and not her master. That night, he had enjoyed being with her, the smell of her body and the care she had for him. Next day, he had been guilty of the love he had seen in her eyes.

He had tried telling all to Kuntha, though the fear of losing her had taken over his senses. He had decided to leave the only letter for her before he die.

She stood there, grasping her breathe. She knew, the envelope was meant for her. She knew, the letter was addressed to her. She knew, she was a mistress who had fallen for her master. She now knew, his master had also loved his mistress all these years.

‘And she waited forever for him to come… to shower his love and care on her… But he never returned to the house in which the mistress lived…for he wanted his love to be happy without him’