Posts Tagged ‘Women’

My friend had decided to stay over weekend at my place and enrich me with her all the stories of blah-blah people. As a rule like always, I had not attempted to pay attention until I heard those lines.

And they both ordered another drink, for they wanted to celebrate

A couple already slouched, protagonist of some random drama they did later, happily ordered another drink – reason being the ‘celebrations’ which seemed incomplete without them getting drunk.

Might be, I don’t question their belief, but this disguised friend -LIQUOR do surprise me sometimes!

I remember those days back in 80s and 90s, when ordering something like this was considered against value systems. Though time has changed and so has the society. Now we accept it as a part of our lives, gulping down pints of it at a go. It has become a jingle for celebration, a toss for promotion and a tool for interaction.

Just one more drink can spiral into many in no time and that’s when the trouble starts.

Drinking may make you feel lively, witty and relaxed, though alcohol is a depressant drug that can also make you aggressive and argumentative. And drinking too much on one occasion can be dangerous – on your personal and health front.

It is better to know you and your drink before you start slumping walls while walking or risking yourself in the arms of someone at the bar along with the associated health risks.

So before you go out for your next booze party, Be-aware of the ‘list of Alcohol related facts (Alco-facts)’ which helps in a sensible and responsible drinking without spoiling the fun:

#1: Beer-Whiskey-Champagne Vs Stand-alone: We usually get on the chain of getting different drinks on every order placed, it goes like Beer then Whiskey Wine champagne and what not. Trust, this is not cool.  Mixing your drinks may give you a quick high, but it might produce hypoglycaemia, which causes dizziness, weakness and mood change.

So, don’t make your own cocktail inside your food bag, it will make your head go right-round-right-round.

And sipping your drink isn’t bad too. It helps your taste buds to savour the drink and delays the time of the alcohol kick – hence, more time to have fun before you lose your sense.

#2: Drinking limits: Drinking like a Tanki (Tank) is a myth. It is always advisable to know your drinking limits. May be a drink or two is good enough to present a sober you than a bottle portraying you as a guilty-stoop-life-under-sofa.

So, know your limits before you drink, it showcase you as a sensible drinker than amateur newbie.

And it also relieves from the after-drunk-dramas too, if you incur any.

Must Know

  • Do not exceed 2-3(for women)/3-4 (for men)units a day on a regular basis
  • Aim for at least 2 alcohol free days
  • Take a break before you go out for another hangover- at least for the sake of your liver

#3: Men Vs she: When our society is fighting for the equality of women and feminism in India, this Alcohol thing is definitely biased on genders. While women get drunk easily, men on the other hand enjoy their own leisure time to get high.

Our body is divided into watery and fatty areas and women have less water and more fat than men. Alcohol is absorbed into water areas and thus, we have easily drunken women than men. Also, there are other factors which make women prone to alcoholic effects – like ovulation time, menstrual cycle etc.

So, when setting a limit for yourself, it is mandate to consider your genus too.

And girls, you do understand the safety issues you might have when you go random drunk. Don’t you?

#4: Don’t miss your Happy Meal: Food acts like a gatekeeper for your body against alcohol. Popping in some food is a good idea between or before your drinks. Alcohol causes irritation in stomach and intestine leading to sickness and puke. A balanced meal not only prevents in slowing down the effect of alcohol, it also keep you away from drinking too much.

So avoid going on a hunger-drinking, it will make you sick rather than drunk.

And don’t forget to be hydrated too. It bargains the time to process alcohol and prevents from a possible hangover next day.

#5: Messing with energy drinks/drugs:  We often ignore the fact that while on medication, drinking should be prohibited. Alcohol reverses/nullifies the affect of the drug taken, sometimes leading to adverse effects.

Also, Energy drinks have stimulants and alcohol is a depressant, mixing the both means you are sending mixed messages to your nervous system leading to cardiac related problems.

So, keep away from messing and harming yourself.

And like it is said, it is always better to be safe than sorry.

#6: Right company, Right place:  An imperative formula to stay aware of your drinking habits is to be assured of the people and the place around. A few drinks more with friends at home is a better option than going merry with less familiar group. Not only does it safe guard you against any personal embarrassments, it also aids a safe landing post hangover.

So, before you say yes to other boozy hangouts, be confident of your company and mates

And, boys – we hope you don’t want to end up waking up in some unknown shit, do you?

#7: His life at your stake:  Please stop being adamant about the ‘new-free-spirited-you’ going on a drive. Driving yourself back home is a bad idea. You might have the power to risk your own life, but you surely do not hold the permission to jeopardize someone else’s existence.

So, don’t do drink and drive, it is better to opt for public transportation/ pick-up instead.

And, this is not ‘being dependent and moronic’; this is completely wise thing to do.

#8: Appoint a friend: If a situation leads you into something you have not planned for, say crossing your drinking limits or an unknown company, the best way out is to have a friend at your rescue. Keep one who is a teetotaller or not a passionate drinker to save you from falling into a pit. He will ensure to keep a check on you when your senses are no more active.

So, it is prudent to let someone know of a possible chaos than to be trouble-struck

And guys, only friends can keep your secret of throwing up in a discotheque or proposing a random chic post multiple drinks and no one else.

#9: Stay Smart with your phones: Still if you find that the points to be kept in mind before you step out to drink is all GYAN or are not EASY, then let your phone act smarter than you. There are many applications which help you to know your alcohol limit for the day.

So, avoid the hangover (and those awkward good-byes) by keeping tabs on what you are drinking.

And, you do realise that smart phones are indeed smart.

Some apps for your reference

  • Intellidrink and R-u-Buzzed for Iphone
  • ALCulator and Alcohol Calculator for Android
  • Drinking Buddy and BAC calculator for Windows

Mind these AlcoFacts and Be-aware, before you go Tipsy next time.

Cheers to no more walks of shame

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Wednesday Mo(u)rnings

Posted: September 10, 2014 in Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

windowIt again was a Wednesday. She sat beside the only window in the house and observed the passerby on the road. Some walked with Umbrella, big enough to hide them under its shade. Some seemed to nod frequently; to someone somewhere she did not know. Few she saw, wore strange clothes she never have seen. While the rest, stood forever for the bus at the stop in front of her house.

It was already 2:00 in the noon; she still watched the street with full attention. The clock told her that it was time for food. Food, yes she thought. Her stomach was supposed to be hungry by that time. She checked her bowel, it looked full. It seemed, her bowel had instructed not to eat more. Her food timings were fixed. She hesitated. She stood from the window and decided to roam around the room to make space for food. It was important.

She opened the door to welcome the maid. Dressed in blue blouse and white skirt, an early teenage girl stood with a tray smelling food. She smiled at her and took the tray. The girl had been the second known person she had seen since last Wednesday.

She decided to spend the evening at the window again. It was soothing she thought. She could glance and smile at people she did not know. She could comment on the clothes she could not wear. And she could be happy, without mourning.

A knock at the door in late evening interrupted her free flowing thoughts. It was not dinner time yet. She suspiciously walked towards the door. She knew, it was not even time for her visitors. After all, it was a Wednesday. She checked the calendar again, yes- it was a Wednesday.

She was only 16 when she was locked in the house which was now her home. She was excited then. She had liked the colorful walls and the soft bed she was given. She had admired the jewelries and saris she wore. She had often taken pride in her changed fortune. But things were different now.

She opened the door. To her amaze, he stood there drenched. It was not raining. She thought for a while, before letting him in.

She had been working for 8 years now, killing her dreams every day. Post a year of training and fancies, she was forced into work. Her work responsibilities were tremendous. She was supposed to sell herself, every part of her, to some brutal buyers. She was supposed to be available 24*7, for the buyers had their demands. Often, she was supposed to dress inappropriately and dance in front of spectators, in order to attract a rich suitable buyer for a night.

 Only Wednesdays were days, she ever got for herself. She would have a lavish bathe, trying to wash away the week long exhaustion. She would sleep for hours, to feel fresh from 6 days of sleep deprived state.  She would stare from the window, imagining herself in the crowd and fading away.

She locked the doors again. He smirked at her, his eyes dipped in self-pride. She excused herself to prepare herself to serve.

Wednesdays had never been easy with her. It had made her realized about her lost fortune. It had confronted her with her own realities. She would often hide the mirror, which reflected her beauty, with a cloth. She would often cover herself full with a bed sheet, to look good. And she would often scratch herself, to feel renewed.

She searched for the mirror under the sofa. She could hear him tapping impatiently. She knew he had little time for her. She tried putting kohl in hurry and fastened her skirt.  She also decided to wear her blouse lower than usual to make it easy for him. Hair tied up as a bun, she coated her lips with red strawberry flavour.  She was ready. Before she left, she glanced in the mirror again and tried smiling rather seductively.

She had realized that her Wednesdays were no different. It never had changed her status. She stood the same worker, showcasing herself naked to different people every day to earn. She had told the man who had locked her, to bring her buyers on Wednesdays also. They had argued over it. Man had been adamant on giving her rest though she forced him to send at least one buyer for the day.

He unzipped hurriedly to start his job. She laid thinking. All the preparation she had done to attract him had been of no use. He was focused on what he wanted. It was her body and not her. Even her fellow workers could replace her easily. She looked at the clock. The time was over.

“My work started defining me, not my dreams… a good fortune I thought I had, tuned into a life with sour cream

Not do I see any laughing evenings and sunshine mornings, all my days are now Wednesday Mo(u)rnings”

 

Have you ever felt an unwanted hand behind while pushed to exit from a metro? Or may be heard those obnoxious comments about your assets? Do you find it demeaning when they stare and laugh at something pointing you? Have you ever felt the fear of becoming yet another victim of rape?

Well, there are many things we go through daily. Many of us have confined ourselves to safety nest in order to avoid such scenarios, often calling male help when alone or not stepping out only during dark. And we all have learnt to live with it.

But – THIS IS NOT IT.  Those not-so-good-attackers work 24*7. Timings are the least concern for them.  They attack even if you are not alone, they attack even if your body doesn’t show and they attack even if it is a public place.

The sad reality is that we live in an increasingly violent society in which the fear of crime is ever-present, especially against women.

I am a woman and I know how it feels when one gets those dirt-ridden-maniac stares or those ill-intensions prevailing around. It is disgusting.

Concerned about this fact, I have compiled 5 basic preventive rules for all the WOMENIYAS to be used when in trouble:

  1. He stares and you stare him more: A common psychology of any attacker -They are on a look-out for under-confident mild girls, who would not raise their voices when in trouble and would not be a strong fight-back spirit. They are easy victims. When somebody stares at you, give him the dirtiest look back at him. If he follows, question him back when people are around. ‘Han bhaiya, kya hai?’ is a good way to start. Walk with confidence with head straight, trust- he will get a signal that you are not the one.
  2. Don’t wear Earphones: Many of us like listening to music on high volumes when travelling. We believe it is a good time pass. It is indeed a pleasant time pass. However, you tend to lose the most effective tool of yours, YOUR EARS. They are an important piece of sensing danger. They are the first one to tell you – BE AWARE.
  3. Shouting HELP is a bad option: Our society is nosy instead of cooperative. They tend to avoid when you shout HELP, thinking ‘kyu jhamela me pdna (why to get into trouble)’ or better behave our ears have gone deaf. But screaming FIRE! FIRE! will work in your favour. They will come running out of curiosity. Also, I hope that attacker bhaiya gets confused thinking, is this woman mad? This is a small trick to play with human psychology. We are good inquisitive fellows but pathetic helpers.
  4. Carrying safety tools: That pepper spray or whistle to use is a good way to attract attention of passer-by when you are stuck with him. But, use it efficiently. You tend to lose time, searching anxiously for it in your handbag and alerting him about your next step. It is advisable to use such techniques only when the distance between you and him is considerable and the things are placed handy.
  5. Always be prepared to run: Trust, he is not giving you time to think or act. Be prepared of the worst. Carrying a pair of sports shoes when returning from work or passing by not so familiar areas is good for safety. It might sound out-of-the-comfort-area thing, but there is nothing more vulnerable than having to run from an attacker in high heels. Or get rid of your heels first thing when planning to run (Don’t cry over them, you can buy more heels later if you are safe).

 

These 5 techniques are useful in any situation to start with. Every girl should be aware of what is happening around her. Being sympathetic like most of us become, is not a cool thing to do.

And last – Trust yourself. You are your best help.

Be safe, be you 🙂

 

 

The unexpected truth

Posted: April 27, 2014 in Fiction
Tags: , , , , , ,

‘She adjusted her cramped saree in front of the mirror. Her dark skin under the eyes was puffed. It was 9.00 am already. She checked herself again before putting that big smile. Her daughter should get up now.’

 

‘Seeya, wake up bacha. It is already late’ mother shouted while hurrying herself to the kitchen.

Seeya with her eyes half closed looked at her mother. Her bruises had grown over night as usual. Her petite figure seemed to have shrunk more. She knew questioning her own mother was of least use. Her mother would treat her like a 3 year old narrating her story of getting hurt during work or an accident of low vision.

‘What Seeya? I have made Upma for you, brush and come to the dining room’

Mother, we don’t have any dining room; Seeya wanted to complain. She pushed herself out of her blanket, searched her glasses and hurried to the loo.

Even she was a grown up woman now, she had thought, then why its mother who gets a new mark on her body every day? Obviously, nobody was beating her, she had consoled herself often. It was her last year at school and she was hopeful of getting a job right after. She had repeatedly imagined about her mother’s job, she never left house and still used to manage her fees and expenses. Seeya was suspicious and wanted to be the earning hand herself.

‘Seeya, why are you so lost?’

‘Ma, I will be studying today at Meeta’s place.’

‘Night studies? Why don’t you girls study during mornings?’ Her mother snapped

‘Can i call her at our place then? I never invite anyone’, Seeya pleaded

‘And you don’t need to. You can go. And do take your clothes for tomorrow as well’

Seeya wanted to argue. She was never a host for her friends. Mother never allowed. She had lot to ask. She wanted to check on mother once. She was a big girl now and she should know all. The cramped saree, the bruises, her mother’s lament and those voices every night, everything.

 

Today was the day. Today or never. With the little courage she had, she decided to come back at midnight. And the duplicate key would help to keep it a secret mission, she thought.

 

She was late, the clock had already stuck 2 of the dark hour. She meticulously opened the door of the house to avoid alarming the mother. She could hear the same strange voices from her mother’s room. Her heart pounced as she moved. She was not ready to accept the truth which her mind had already told her.

Last time, she prayed –God please spare me the horror. She slowly peeped through the side crack of the door and was taken back. WHAT? THIS CAN’T BE TRUE. MY MOTHER CAN’T DO THIS.

The noise had made the stranger escape through the window while her mother had gone white.

‘Ma, you need to answer me. The situation… Are you… Were you… this is how you earn money?’ She knew, her mother will now answer all

‘yes’

‘Who was he’, she gathered herself to ask again

‘Your father’

‘Whaaaaat? But you were divorced 3 years back!’

Her mother had often told her to be careful of those monsters out there which roamed in the dark and possessed power to steal. She used to find it funny until she met few of them on her way herself. 😦

 

She is small, quite small to reach the window and see the hawker selling vanilla cups downstairs. She tells her maid to help her see. But she is busy cleaning the house. Mother can be home anytime. Ramu Bhaiya should help her now. He holds her in his arm tight enough to squeeze. She feels awkward. She can feel his hand moving inside her frock. What is he doing? She complains. He pinches her hard right there telling ‘it’s normal’

 

It is Duserra, the festival she loves. She wants to see the Mela in the nearby ground. Her father is not allowing. She insists. Gupta uncle is also going. He can take her along. He is father’s friend. She is very happy. They are enjoying the fair together. He kisses her every time she talks or demands anything. She can sense his tongue on her cheek, scrolling violently over her skin. He is her uncle. She thinks ‘It’s normal’

 

It is her Biology lecture in school. She is nervous. The guy next to her is imitating the teacher. He is making fun of the female reproductive system and those names. He is finding it hilarious. He is moving his fingers on the diagrams and laughing hard. She can see him doing that. She is disgusted. She tells her friends in the recess. They tell her that ‘it’s normal’

 

She is a grown up girl. She goes to a college. She can decide and vouch an opinion. She has a boyfriend. They hang out together. They go for movies and he holds her near. He walks with her around the campus and hugs her. He wants to take the relation further. He wants her to come to his house this night. She is still undecided. He assures her saying, ‘It’s normal’

 

She is travelling in Metro for the first time. She is standing in the crowd. Something is annoying. She turns her head back to see few guys. They are smiling at her. She ignores. Still something is annoying. It is hot inside. She can feel the sweat on her body. Her hand goes to her back. It is wet beneath. She is scared. Her brain consoles her telling ‘It’s normal’

 

She is in love with that guy. He loves her too. They are ready to start a new journey of their life. They want their parents to approve. They will be getting soon now. He is happy. He is sharing their moments online. He wants to tell the world about their love. He is posting some personal pictures of them together. Some intimate ones too. People are commenting and appreciating her ‘hotness’. Her relatives find it romantic. Her siblings think ‘It’s normal’

 

She is happily married with a kid. Her husband is busy with his work. She is making an omelette for him. Her maid is chopping vegetables for the night. She will be busy in office today. She wants her maid to take care of his kid till she returns. She is back at 9pm. Her kid is crying. Husband is busy completing his report. Maid is off for the day. She serves food for all. She has not eaten yet. She needs to clean the house first. His husband is off to sleep. Her kid is watching. He thinks ‘It’s normal’

 

She has been raped. Her parents have filed F.I.R. They know the culprit. She has seen him. She tries to jump out of window. Her brother saves her. They know court will punish him and god will too. Today is court’s final hearing. Culprit has been imprisoned for 7 years. Everybody is happy. Her husband wants a divorce. It is her fault. She did not save herself. Counsellor is there to motivate her. They want her to start fresh. She is working again. People call her victim. They often ask her about the incident and pity her. The rapist is already out on bail. After all, ‘it’s normal’

 

Her mother had often explained her; she would need to fight throughout her life. She thought she can do it until she found out it otherwise. 😦

P.S: It might seem normal to some, but trust-this is not normal. VOICE OUT!