6 mantras to BE YOUR-SELF post marriage

Marital life comes with its own share of worries. You try to adjust in the new home, connect with the unknowns and share yourself with his family- the expectations out of every girl, at least in the Indian context.

It starts from the time when you are ‘booked’ for your soul mate.

Your friends think that every lost moment you have is for him… your siblings become maniac eve-teasers… your mom and dad behave like those of Ekta Kapoor’s serial –parents with watery eyes and running noses… Your cousins ping you to ask about him and his likes…

And you?  Well, you are inconsequential!

Your life starts to revolve between Dos and Donts to make him happy. You often get befuddled and people around you think it is ‘new-life-resistant-syndrome’.

You get different lectures on those not-liked areas like responsibility and duties and are made to sleep with the mantras like –Passion, compassion and patience

Amidst all the ‘instructions’ and ‘guidance’ you get from Mrs. Sharma or your Pummy aunty, the lessons on ‘maintaining self’ takes a back seat.

You do have our own choices and dreams!

So, to help you in this state of confusion -Here are 6 Dos to prevent your individuality post marriage:

1)      ENJOY YOUR OWN SPACE: yes, we know you are in love with him and he is your life, but don’t ignore yourself. Do party with your friends without him, spend time sometimes with your colleagues post work or meet new people. Let him also have his own space with his friends and known. This isn’t bad. Always together is sometimes boring. And, distance helps in infusing charm and newness in the relation!

2)      FILTER YOUR SECRETS: Many believe that ‘telling everything’ to your partner makes it easy. Well, not always. Truth is not easy to digest.  So maybe he knows about your past relations and all the notorious expedition but restrain yourself from detailing him ‘those cozy moments’. It was your past and should be dumped (and, he needs not to know it anyways). Next time, when you reveal your history to be transparent with him, make sure the ‘not-required-harmful’ descriptions are omitted. Dead past should not be a reason for the insecurity.

3)      KEEP YOUR OWN ‘UNKNOWN’ SAVINGS: I always had seen my mother and the likes hiding their money in small bunches at 10 different places and never using them. They had their personal saving account which off course their husbands knew. Even though few of them were working, they had their own secret savings not known to their better halves. I used to think it as some ‘older-woman-trick’ to loot their husbands. And that day when my mother wanted to surprise Dad by learning Casio, she had her own money for the enrollment. Worth a learning! You cannot rationalize all your expenses.  You need to have a hidden treasure to pamper your unimportant wishes!

4)      ONLY NICETIES ABOUT YOUR FAMILY: yes, it is his family too. Your parents are his parents too. Though there are some of your family secrets which should not be disclosed in front of him, like your father initially rejected him saying that he is an under performer at work or your sister had once got drunk with an unknown and etc. His perception might get influenced by the stories you would tell him and could lead to ‘not-so-good’ imagery. Obviously, you don’t want him to say anything against them ever.

5)      RESPECT YOUR INTERESTS: Okay, his likes are important and yours too. If you can go for sky diving because he loves to do it, you can also expect yourself to paint those bunnies you wanted or go meditating every day for the inner peace. Trust, it is not being selfish. Don’t treat shaadi as the apex; there is a life post that too. Indulge yourself in your interests/hobbies and love yourself too. You deserve it!

6)      BE SMART WITH WORDS: That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less – By Arundhati Roy in The God of Small Things. There is always a better way of communicating things. You need to be word wise, not only in your marriage but otherwise too. It also makes him work for you willingly!

 

Now stop boggling your head with the myriads of advices you have got, you already have your 6 pointer list ready for yourself.

Trust, these are 6 wonder-mantras along with passion, compassion and patience are enough to keep you going even after marriage. And don’t worry, your hubby would not find it ‘out-of-the-way’

P.S:  If you believe you have your own Dos which work wonders; do share it with all Womeniyas.